Posted on February 5, 2014 by

How to Make Valentine’s Day Suck Less When You’re Single

Let’s face it, relationships are fun until someone gets hurt and then it’s all downhill from there.  I can sit here and tell you that you’re better off without him anyway, he’ll never get someone as amazing as you, and that now you can get back to what’s important because that loser isn’t wasting so much of your time.  I’m not going to do that.  For one thing, I don’t know, so you might just be a rotten person that he’s better off without.  I’m talking to you, lady who broke up with your boyfriend because he wasn’t giving you enough attention at his grandfather’s funeral.  But for all of you, every single lady out there, I’m going to help you survive next Friday and make it to February 15th in style.

*Please raise the volume on your computers and get pumped up!


Surviving Valentine’s Day When You’re Single


1. Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)

The first thing you’re going to want to do is make plans in advance.  I’d say this to someone looking to impress on Valentine’s Day and I’m saying it to you too.  You don’t want to find yourself bored, lonely, and alone on Valentine’s Day.  Do some research and see what kind of cool events are going on in your neighborhood that night that don’t require a Valentine’s prix fixe menu.  There’s got to be something, anything!  A comedy show, movie, or an amazing club with an awesome DJ.

2. Girls Just Want to Have Fun

You may be a smart, successful, wonderful person, but just like a box of Hot Tamales in a weak moment, you need to surround yourself with junk today.  Forget your well-balanced friends who are amazing like you.  Call those friends who are just downright awful.  Tell them about the plans you came up with.  Do you really want to go to a nice wine bar in a tight but appropriate dress and sit around sipping nicely from your glass while you scope out a sensitive guy with your well-mannered friends?  No!  Not on Valentine’s Day!  You want to go to a too-loud club in a too-tight dress with that friend who will drink till she’s sloppy, dance ridiculously, and not let you go home when you want to.

3. Raise Your Glass

Pre-game by going to the gym.  If you take my advice you’re going to drink plenty and eat plenty. And you don’t want go to the gym on February 15th.  You’d probably just end up fighting over the seated leg press with the girl who’s got that smug “I spent last night cuddled in my man’s arms, could your night beat that” look.  Oh, you want to fight her?  Of course you do!  You wasted all those months and years on a loser who dumped you a week before your 29th birthday because he forgot your birthday was coming up.  But don’t.  Just go to the gym on Valentine’s Day.  Those endorphins your brain releases during a bout of heavy physical activity doesn’t only happen during sex, it happens when you’re working out too.

4. Stronger

A little known fact about the saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is that it’s actually referring to the amount of junk food single people eat on Valentine’s Day.  Stock your fridge with your standbys.  If your standbys aren’t ice cream and whipped cream, stock your cabinets then.  Mac n cheese, Fruity Pebbles, ice cream sandwiches, mesquite BBQ potato chips, pizza, chocolate truffles, whatever it is that you’ll want to eat to feel better should be purchased on the 13th so that you don’t feel like a loser when you’re waiting at the checkout of your grocery store with all the other single women in your town who are buying single serve frozen dinners and cat food. You are not a loser!

5. Don’t Stop Me Now

Put yourself together before going out.  You made plans so you can’t stay in now.  You worked out so you feel pretty good.  You binged on disgusting food so you actually just reversed the whole benefit of your workout, but at least you know in a way, you already worked off the extra calories.  Pull yourself together and make yourself look club-worthy.  Shower, do your hair, spend time choosing an outfit, and go have fun.  If you see a cute guy when you’re out, go approach him.  Hopefully by the time this happens you will have forgotten that it’s Valentine’s Day.  You don’t want walk up to him and say, “hey, we’re both single and it’s Valentine’s Day” because that gets you nowhere.  Ask him an open ended question to start a conversation.  Buy him a drink, dance with him, make out with him in the coat room, but whatever you do, don’t go home with him.  You’re out with your friends and you should leave with your friends.  Tonight isn’t about starting your next relationship or about doing better than your ex is.  Start your search for Mr. Right tomorrow; tonight is all about having fun with friends, letting loose, and being unstoppable.

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2 Responses to How to Make Valentine’s Day Suck Less When You’re Single

  1. Stefanie says:

    I AM amazing! Going to have the best Valentine’s Day with my girls!

  2. Sarah says:

    Laughed out loud! Thanks for the fun post. Definitely sharing with my single friends!!